Become Curious Instead Of Furious

People are notoriously bad at resolving personal issues with one another.

And when money is involved, things can escalate.

Someone accuses you of something, assumes something about you, jumps to a conclusion about something you did.

What do you do?

The natural reaction is to defend yourself. And one natural defense response is fury. You fight back. You do to them what they’re doing to you.

I do believe that there are times to fight back.

But I also believe that there’s almost always a better response than fury.

Curiosity.

The truth is that we all get inside our own heads. We perceive something, then we believe that thing, then we stick to that thing because we hate being wrong.

My favorite approach to resolving tough disagreements or misperceptions is to call the person right away.

And instead of arguing point by point, I say something different to open the conversation: “Hey, talk to me. What are you seeing?”

Listening to them isn’t easy. They’re emotional in the moment. They’ll say things they don’t really mean, but they were mean when they’re mean when they say it.

Be curious. Sit back. Make notes. Let them calm down. Hell, let them dig their own grave if that’s the nature of the dispute.

But ask questions. Listen.

Then—and this is the key—admit if they’re right.

If they’re wrong, then you have to make a decision about what to do next.

Do you argue with them? Or do you simply close the relationship for now and walk away?

Being curious has afforded both of you the opportunity to resolve the issue, but that doesn’t mean you’ll always resolve the issue.

But, what if you do?